So much on my mind...

Thursday November 18th, 2010.

I know it's been a while since I wrote and I have so much to say but want to make sure I am careful not to hurt anyone in this...

1) The Music Video for Native Deen is out "I AM NEAR" http://www.nativedeen.com
2) Still trying to get Mooz-lum the Movie in our city... Are you demanding it. http://moozlumthemovie.com
3) Working with Islamic Relief as a volunteer www.islamicreliefusa.org there is a fundraising dinner on Dec 19th for Palestine
4) Eid Mubarak
5) Got into a car accident trying to help a sister get her kids/grandkids to Eid prayer... went to the hospital on Tuesday... on some good ole muscle relaxers for the pain

HERE... is where the stuff on my mind is...I am so grateful to Allah that I am an independent person and the only One I depend on is Allah. No man, no other person can give me what I need or want. I understand that a man is the protectors and the ones to provide for us but who said you had to depend on them and that when you have a child that you should only stay home and take care of them. I thank Allah I don't think like that or have a mother that thinks that they have to depend on someone else...Not that I have to take care of myself but because I want to... even when I get married that would not change in me...Independence is sexy, it's appealing... It shows your strength...I've learned that you aren't owed anything in this life... No one should be so dependent upon someone else that they can't do for themselves...I have learned that I give too much of myself to help others only to find out that they choose not to do for themselves so... WHY should I do for them. Come on, I have because Allah provided me the means to have what I have, the will to have what I have... don't use me because you CHOOSE not to do for yourself and expect others to do for you... That is ridiculous.

Also, what I've learned People only think of themselves. No one thinks of what other people are going through. A brother sends me a message on FB after a month has passed to tell me I have no tack or integrity about the way I told him NOT to go through my friendlist scrolling looking for a wife. That is not what My friendlist is for... for you to search and befriend people you don't know looking for a wife. So i told him stop befriending people on my friendlist then i went through my friends list and blocked all the females from the view of the males for their own protection. Some people you befriend just by acqaintence or association but not because they are accuately "your" friend. Some of those people have issues, restraining orders on ex-wives and so on and so forth which had me looking at my friends list and deleting people that I don't know like that. Everyone should go through a trail period before you befriend them. So he sends a message today to me after this has been a month ago to tell me I have no tack or integrity... The nerve of him to tell me I have no tact and integrity... LOL when you scroll looking through peoples friends list to try to find a wife because the females you meet don't want to be your wife. So you look through other peoples list to find people you don't know so you can portray to be another way with them because they don't know you... Tact REALLY... REALLY.... LOL. Integrity.. REEEAAALY??? LOL oh boy a month later you still thinking about this. People are funny...

Irronically one of the sisters posted something last week about people going through her friendslist befriending her friends... and HE came to mind lol. I was like... I'm not the only one that thinks this way...

But it wasn't that serious for me to think about this for an entire month later to want to comment to him. I was done with the situation after he was deleted as my friend and when I blocked guys from looking at the females... Some of them are married and don't need someone filtering through a persons friendslist looking for a wife...

what else is on my mind. My car will be fixed tomorrow, this medication is doing a great job. and I'm hungry. lol. Can't wait to feel better and get out the house. See my family next week and just chill before my surgery.

All I can say is Alhamdulillah I have nothing to really complain about. I thank Allah for all I have and don't have, for my eyes to be open, my ears to hear what I need and to filter out what I don't, for the friends and the ones I don't need in my life. For my mind to be open, my ideas to be just, for my will to be independent and the strength, wisdom, understanding and courage to know that without Allah I am nothing and I would have nothing. That No man is the means to my having and if Allah gives me a husband that he understands that I am not in need of him for my well being but because we have each other to support and to live a life with out struggle. I've come this far by my faith and the only One I need is the Lord. In my weakest darkest hour, when afraid and can't see the light... ONLY Allah has the way.
My legs to walk, my arms to hold my mouth to speak and Insha'Allah i will only speak the truth with out gossip, slander, and backbiting but of honesty, truth, and goodness... Just had so much on my mind and so much I am grateful for....