Now and Then...

So, I know it's been a while since I've written. I just didn't have it in me to do. I was in a state of transition once again in my life that I lost my voice and all I could do is just be and move in the direction I was going in. I have had more changes in my life. Take for instance, I came back full force to Christianity after 2 1/2 years of learning about Islam. Though alot of the same concepts there are some major differences. The only constant in me was my Faith in God. Whether people call him ALLAH or JESUS, to me, HE has always been the same So I called Him GOD and it seemed to be a good middle ground for both sides. In speaking I would never say one or the other but recognized him God as I knew him to be in my heart. I've been going back to Church and have always ready my Bible. So my post on FB have been geared towards my way of living now, my faith, and spirituality as it is now. I was always into religion...which ever way I walked in that path at the time. I engolf myself in learning, classes, reading and praying, eating, fasting being amongst the like-minded people. Even when I tested out being Jehovah's Witness. I feel they all gave me some "take-aways"... Well, today I feel, just a little discouraged I guess someone said to me... "you're really on a Jesus kick lately." And to me, it seemed like they didn't think it was authentic, or true to my being or my spirit. It saddened me that the enemy would try to discourage me through someone I love, though that is exactly what he will do. Because I know and love the Lord and I'm shouting it from the mountain tops using FB as a forum, or IG, or this Blog. If baffles me that people can go on line and talk about sex, drugs, drinking, and whatever else, and it's ok. no one says, oh he or she is sexing it FB up, or I can't believe she's at another happy hour, or all they focus on is self and haven't done anything for anyone yet, I speak of the Power of God in my life and how I've been changed and I'm not the same as I was before. That my faith is stronger and clearer in my life that it's "too much" or not authentic... It brings tears to my eyes. I can't really explain but you really don't know my story to know how deep in my faith I have been and the strength that God has said, He has not let me go and has always had me. So it may seem like it was just yesterday that it happened, and but I've been in this struggle for 33 years. The enemy has tried in so many ways to try to get me, and I can admit on severl levels I was lost not what denomination I chose to follow but in my way of life... I was found and I was brought back, For God, never gave up on me. I was in need of a healing in myself. I have been searching for something more when it was here all along. He said Look under a rock and there you will find me. Like, He's been here in my life all along. and to have those test and to fight back with the affirmation that NO, I've been in this fight for a while, and you are now seeing me in the now with all my battle scars that I are healing and you see the words of my testimony through my test, and you hear the message that I have to say what it is GOD has done for me. He has done great things for me. You just don't know. I am an example of all the good that God... I was brought to it... and HE got me through it... and I took hold on to his hand, Holding on even more tighter than ever before. I can not be moved because I know and can see the weapon that is used against me. But it won't work.

For The True Man of God (+playlist)

"I will wait for you" by Official P4CM Poet JANETTE...IKZ (+playlist)

Love....and other things that resemble it...

want a love like this....




Be here done that...

Hopeless Romantic

I think of the possibilities of what could be, of a love I know is out there for me., or will I be by myself, with all the thoughts I have left. sitting and dream of your face, the look in your eyes, the smell of your cologne, I imagine the scent of you and sigh. The walks in the park and the games we would play. or all the sweet words I can hear you say. hopelessly romantic and so I wait. but when you finally get here, my heart, is yours to take.

My Muse- Felt like poetry today

Glitter

Everything that glitters aint gold
or so that's what I'm told
and sometimes the glittery things
are internally rusty and old
or they have some sort of defect
that one by looking at it you can't detect
and when you buy it, you may be left with regret
or what if you leave it behind
although it was nice, pleasing to the eye
the gift would have been sweet and kind
not paying attention to what was deep down inside
and so, I sit and wonder as I leave it aside
was it me, was it my pride,
can I put my own reservations, and misconceived notions aside
will the strength of it stand the test of time
I dont know and I'm not the ultimate planner
and maybe I'm not worthy of such a gift
maybe my wants and desires don't matter
as in my life my intentions and deeds
if you were to measure them out with the good and the bad
the deed may out weigh the intention and the good won't be seen
Though I'm not the judge
nor can i say what will be
I just know that what will be will be
Everything that glitters ain't gold
or so I've been told
and maybe I'm rusty and maybe I'm old
maybe i'm used goods not to be sold
behold the misfit toys that gathered in the cold
though they say someones trash is anothers treasures
but how could you measure
when they see the defect would that change the intent
will they realize the glittery gold is what they should have
instead of the rusty... the mold...or the other way around
guess we'll never know.



-my version of Sade's Your love is King-

Your love is king,
crown you in my heart.
Your love is king,
never need to part.
Your kisses ring,
round and round and round my head.
Touching the very part of me.
It's making my soul sing.
Tearing the very heart of me.
I'm crying out for more

Inside this heart of mine
I've held you tight
even when I wasn't suppose to
when i knew it wasn't right
is it that you were honest and true
that I was so drawn to you
was it that we knew each others heart
though words can't express that part
I'm crying out for more

Your love is king,
crown you in my heart.
Your love is king,
never need to part.
Your kisses ring,
round and round and round my head.
Touching the very part of me.
It's making my soul sing.
Tearing the very heart of me.
I'm crying out for more

Sincerely you spoke with your smile
had me feeling like a little child
gitty for all to see
the happiness sprung from me
with every thought today you've crossed my mind
and though I know I can't reach I've tried
please know these words are how I feel inside
and God Willing everything will be alright




Your Love

Your love is real
your love is king
your love i've never seen
your love is innocent
your love is true
your love has me wondering if I could just for you
your love is what I want
your love is covered by some other stuff
your love never staggered
your love is what really mattered
and though time went really fast
your love I knew would last
because your love is real.

The joy of being a parent

The day your child is born is one of the most beautiful days that one could be blessed with. The honor to raise a child in hopes that he/she is a good person and a good influence on the world and one day raises their own children to be good people. The day your child is born you gain a whole new understanding about life, you grow up, you have this responsibility that this little person is depending on. Oh how blessed I've been to have such a wonderful child. I thank God for my son... and I appreciate the joy he brings in my life.

Happy 13th Birthday Jay... Mommy Loves You..... MUAH