Everything you thought you knew

So I've been on a journey for the past several years if I were to put a number on the journey I would say 30 years as I will be 30 in September. I have grew up in a Catholic Church, with the Rosaries, throwing the holy water around, trinity and priest, nuns and confession and my mothers favorite word recently excommunication. So of course that has me in search for truth of what I actually believe and what I don't believe should be. I've been to Kingdom Halls, Baptist, methodist, read on several others religions. I have book on what does the bible say about this and what does it say about that. Researching man made laws, creeds and rules. I am grateful for my foundation as I believe everyone needs a foundation as you grow up, there is always a want to understanding of right from wrong and moral or immoral.

I can say I am still on my journey and I can admit that I've strayed several times as the Devil is a lie and will do any and everything to steer a person away. I had to realize that first I had to love myself enough to know and recognize that I am a beautiful person that deserves real love from a man especially someone that is of God. And during those times in my life that was not on my agenda. The worldly things...clubs, money...liquor, took over and sometimes, still have some weight in what I know I should do. I guess that's why I have been back and forth with I'm not going out, or I'm not drinking, or I'll be celibant, and then to fall again because I don't know if I even believed have the things I said. About a month ago, I prayed to God that He would help me to do better as he wants me to do. Then the opportunity comes to me to make a choice to do the opposite of what I know I should do and then I'm left with the thoughts ok, next time I'll do better. When I know to truly change my life, I would have to change my thought process when would eventually have me change my life. you know....I have had alot of thought of this it's just putting the thought to action and stop playing around.

Everyone is put in a place in their life that they are given the opportunity to make the right decisions and if we (I) continue to go through life as if I am unphased or that tomorrow is promised and nothing will happen then I will never get closer to God and that's where I want to be. Irronically, I've been doing alot of reading and I've been understanding a lot more which has me thinking about things more indepth and asking alot of questions because why not ask if I am seeking to find out....

Anyway, If I love myself enough to seek something more than I'm on the right track, I tend to get side tracked but I eventually always land right where I was before...knowing this is where I should be and I need to make sure I stay focused...

ok, so that was alot to blog about and had me thinking alot over here.. I'm tired..I'll holla..

Peace and Blessings,

~Marlina